No News Is Good News, Right...?

Or....I just wanted to enjoy Thanksgiving and not think about the fact that I'm not pregnant (again).  Probably the second one.

Anyhoo...Keep moving forward!  I'm taking December off (which is actually two cycles because I'm scheduled to ovulate the first week of December, cycle through and ovulate again the week after Christmas).  There are two (or three) reasons for this.  The first (and absolutely least scientific) is because the Chinese Birth Chart tells me that January is a good month to conceive a girl, but December would be a boy (I'll take whatever I get, but I'd like to start off with a girl).  The second is that I've been rocking this game completely uninsured thus far, and it's open enrollment season for that type of thing and I'd like to have some insurance this year moving forward. Also, if I can get in to see an RE at some point and see if there's any real reason I haven't already thought of or addressed why I'm not knocked up already.  The third reason is that I'm going to try a progesterone shutdown for the two cycles I'm skipping in December.

What is a Progesterone Shutdown (or NPC Shutdown, as it's also known on the interwebs), you may ask?  Well, let me tell you.  Basically, there are several reasons why some women may try this method, but for me it's because I have a short luteal phase.  As you may or may not know, short luteal phase (the period of time between ovulation and the beginning of a new cycle) may occur if you have a progesterone deficiency.  I have long suspected this to be the case for myself because 1) I have a shorter than average luteal phase (mine is typically 10-11 days, usually 11. The average, and shortest necessary to allow pregnancy implantation is 12 days), and 2) the only time my LP was longer was when I did my medicated IUI cycle in Thailand and was on progesterone suppositories afterward, suggesting that the only thing keeping my cycle from lengthening (that hadn't already been addressed by my acupuncturist) is a low progesterone level.  Now that you know that progesterone can lengthen LP at the right dosage, you should also know that it is generally prescribed post-AI to begin the day after confirmed ovulation.  The reason it is not given before that time is because high progesterone levels can impede, delay, or stop ovulation altogether (depending on the dosage).  That's where the "shutdown" comes in.  You can prevent/stop ovulation for 2-4 cycles using Natural Progesterone Cream from days 5-25 of your cycle.  Begin applying the cream twice daily on or around CD5 of your cycle. Stop using the cream on CD25 and allow your period to come to start a new cycle (it may happen within 1-4 days after stopping progesterone).  Cycle as usual until CD5 of the new cycle, and repeat.  The idea is that you halt ovulation for 2-4 cycles (and use the time off from active ttc to detox your body and set up a healthier diet and exercise regimen), and then after the "shutdown", you stop using the progesterone and cycle as usual, checking for normal ovulation, and when you do ovulate, it's a super good quality egg because you've been holding it back and nourishing it for however many cycles.  Many women have gotten pregnant on the cycle directly following a shutdown in this way.

Now, if you read my previous post, you know that I was using progesterone cream after my most recent home insem attempt in the hopes of lengthening my LP and giving anything that may have gotten fertilized enough time to implant.  BUT, I started spotting on the day when my period would have been due anyway, and started bleeding full-on the next morning.  So, I think I wasn't using a high enough dosage (I was using about half of what the dosage was with the prescribed progesterone suppositories I'd used after my medicated cycle). The shutdown begins now...I'm at CD7 and just decided to go ahead with the shutdown today, and I'm using a slightly higher dose.  I'll be checking to see if thee's any sign of ovulation in about five days (I typically ovulate on CD13) and hopefully, there won't be.  If my cycle lasts long enough for me to still be applying the cream on CD25, I will.  Otherwise, I'll start again from next cycle at the end of December and up the dosage a little more (Because of my size, I already need a slightly higher than average dosage).  Continue using it until CD25 and wait to see when the January cycle begins and get ready to order more spermcicles for home insem on that one.

So that's all the news for now...Stay tuned...

Oh No She Didn't!......*Pssst! Actually, Yes I Did.

Previously on Self-Made Motherhood Blog....Our hero discovered that she was not knocked up and the world continued spinning (somewhat out of control, but more on that in a sec).

Right, so after my last attempt at Getting Knocked Up: The Home Game in late May, I had to move out of my apartment by the end of June.  My job had moved to New Jersey and the commute was killing me.  But also, my lease was up and I still hadn't found the mythical NYC apartment somewhere in/near/commutable to Midtown Manhattan that would allow me to work in New Jersey while still remaining a New Yorker.  So I ended up moving in with my work family.  Their new house was big sized and I had the third floor to myself. I had resigned myself to looking for an apartment in Jersey somewhere commutable to work.  This took me for friggin' ever. I came in contact with SO many shady sheisties, y'all! Just when I thought I'd found the perfect place, it turned out that they wouldn't even process my application without putting down a one month deposit....without signing anything. Without even seeing a person.  Just leave your application and your check for this ridiculous amount of money in the building super's mailbox which anyone can access and we'll get back to you.  Um...nahhhh.  I'm good.

Anyway, about three months later I really did find the perfect place.  And, even though I wanted to hate it for not being Brooklyn, I'm getting more space than I've had in years for less than I've ever paid for a one-bedroom in my adult life.  Plus, it has 24hr front desk staff, so I will never have to worry about being home to sign for packages. Which brings us up to the now....

Just before my all-access info subscription ran out at Manhattan Cryobank, I zeroed in on a new donor.  Irony of ironies, his height is listed as "below 5'7""...so it looks like my mutant tallness (I'm 5'6", but taller than everyone on my mother's side of the family, including my brother and uncles) will likely not be passed down to the next generation.  But on every other front, he's a good match in terms of what I'm looking for in a donor.  When I'd first found him back in July (while I was still living at work), he had a decent supply of available samples. When I checked back in September, his supply was "medium".  When it finally came time to put in the order for my November cycle, he only had IUI samples available.  Someone on one of my TTC forums had gotten pregnant twice doing home vaginal insems with IUI sperm, so I didn't worry about it.  I checked all of my other supplies and got ready to get down. 

For some reason, I got super obsessed with the idea of seeing my cervix (don't ask).  And then I thought that since I was going to be using IUI sperm instead of ICI sperm, maybe I should know exactly how my cervix was sitting so that I could get it as close as humanly possible to where it needed to go.  So I went on a speculum hunt (as one does).  Now, I've actually tried this before with standard disposable speculums.  And it was extremely painful.  The open had exactly one setting and it "clicked" into place. OUCH!  So I wondered if I could find something else on the internets that would be more comfortable.  And I did!  It's called a Collins speculum.

Collins Speculum

Not disposable, so I had to sterilize it before and after use.  It's meant to open side to side instead of up and down (but I found it more comfortable to insert it sideways and open it up & down like any other speculum), and it opens with a screw instead of clicking into place, so I can open it as little or as much is comfortable for me.  It's pretty dope, as speculums go.  I didn't want to freak my body out too much on the day of, so I practiced twice in the week or so before I was expecting to ovulate to make sure I knew what to expect when the time came.  

Somewhere along the way, it crossed my mind that I might be able to do an actual IUI by myself at home.  I mean, I could see my cervix.  I could see the opening.  I've got the stuff.  Everything is sterile.  Maybe...?  Of course, everything I've ever read EVER about doing home insemination says that this should never, ever, ever, ever, EEEEEVER be attempted. Because you will get an infection and die.  I mean not really, but really that's pretty much what everything I've ever read has said.  I googled "IUI at home" anyway, and was surprised to find a couple of very good resources (here and there) from women who had successfully done it themselves ("successfully" meaning that they didn't get an infection and die, AND they got pregnant and had living babies).  I was considering it more seriously...

   

Box-o-Sperm

Anyhoo...I was expecting to ovulate on a Tuesday, so I had to put in the spermcicle order  the week before because they only ship/deliver Monday to Friday.  Put in the order on the previous Wednesday with 2-day shipping to receive it by Friday (and I came home to my swanky new apartment building with 24hr front desk staff to find it had, in fact, been delivered while I was at work.  Cheers!).  I checked inside to make sure they sent the right one (They did), closed it back up and left it alone for the next few days.

I started OPK testing over the weekend, then kicked the testing into high gear on Monday.  I tested at 10am and 4:20pm and pulled up negatives.  I decided to test one more time before leaving work and pulled up a positive at 6:50pm.  Aiming to do the insem as close to 30 hours post-first OPK+, I planned it for between 12:30-1am the next night.  I hadn't made the decision yet on whether or not to go all the way with the IUI.  I wanted to see what I was working with and how I was feeling when I got to that bridge.  

The Work Station
Alcohol. Sterilized syringe & catheter.
Ferning microscope. Long cotton
swabs. PreSeed lube for the
speculum. Sterilized Collins speculum.
Gloves. Mirror.

And here we are at that bridge! I already posted this to my TTC forums, so I'm just gonna cut and paste from there. Here's how it went down:
Uncharacteristically, I think I actually felt ovulation twinges in my left side in the afternoon while I was out & about. The only other time I've ever felt my ovaries doing anything at all was my one & only medicated IUI cycle in Thailand in 2012. I did another set of OPK's around 3pm & came up with another smiley face on the digital & very dark test line on the midstream. 
Got home from work & did some cleaning. Set out all my insem gear & readied my work area to make sure I had everything i needed within arm's reach. Then took a shower. Watched a movie & had something to eat. Did another set of OPK's at 11:55pm. Negative on the digital/still very dark test line on the midstream, so I inferred that my surge had recently ended, but my LH levels were still pretty high. So either just ovulated or right about to. 

I thawed the sample & kept it in my bra under my boob (I'm top heavy, so it's a good place to keep something at body temperature). Opened the catheter package just a little bit didn't remove it (to keep it sterile) & attached the syringe to the catheter while keeping the catheter in its package. Double checked I had everything I needed, then did a couple of pumps of the syringe. Drew up 1cc of air into the syringe then removed the catheter from the package & slowly drew up the swimmers from the vial. I placed a couple of drops onto my ferning/saliva microscope lens, then put the catheter length back into its package & held it under my boob (bra off). Looked at the sample on the microscope &, after a little focusing, saw my swimmers swimming (!!!!!!).  Magnification is not the greatest & it's a cell phone pic, but it's still pretty cool. SEE????>>>>>>

My thawed swimmers on the ferning
microscope....Need a better view?

My thawed swimmers: The Close-Up!
See all the little black dots? Those are
swimming sperm! I could actually see
all their little tails & see them swimming!

I laid back, careful not to disturb the syringe under my boob, and inserted the Collins speculum which I'd lubed with Pre-Seed. I actually use it sideways so that the bills open up & down like any other speculum. Turned the screw to start opening it. Used a hand mirror & my cell phone flashlight to see what was what. Took a little repositioning to get a good view of my cervix. There was a LOT of mucous. I used a few long handled cotton swabs to clear some mucous out so I could see the os clearly. It was wide open & looked like a smiley face (I took a photo of that too, but I think we've reached our mutual threshold of overshare for one post). Looking in the mirror, I guided the catheter toward my cervix. This was the do I or don't I point (Oh no she didn't!). I decided to go for it (OH YES SHE DID!). I inserted the tip of the catheter into the os & waited a few seconds to see if I felt any pain or discomfort. Nothing. I inserted it a little farther, then a little farther (probably about 4cm in). Then I very slowly pushed down on the plunger over the course of about a minute, stopping when the plunger got to the 1cc mark (so i knew all the sample was out, but i wasn't pushing any air into my uterus). I waited another minute or so before slowly removing the catheter. Saw a tiny bit of fluid escape the os (not sure if it was sperm or cervical mucous). Tilted my hips up & turned the screw to close the speculum, then slowly removed that. Stayed with my knees up for about 20-30 minutes, then went to the bedroom to lie down & orgasm (because what could it hurt?). Then I actually fell asleep for a few hours. Woke up & orgasmed again figuring I was still in my window of opportunity & the uterine contractions might help any lazy swimmers get to where they needed to be. Then went back out to the living room to clear everything up, & went back to bed for a little bit before my proper wake up time for work. 

Weird Super Positive OPK 24hrs
Post-IUI/Ovulation

That all happened on Tuesday (as predicted).  Here's where it gets weird(er).  The next day, I came home late after karaoke league and OPK'd again.  I was expecting resounding negatives all around. Instead, I got a negative on the digital, indicating that my LH surge was definitely, definitely over. BUT, I got this on the midstream>>>>>>>  That's not even ambiguous. The test line is definitely not even slightly lighter.  But the digital pulled up a negative, so I marked it down as a negative.  It made me think that maybe something did get fertilized & was maybe already throwing out HCG hormones which would give a false positive on a midstream OPK, but not fool a digital OPK.  If that's the case, then the mission now is to coax my uterus into delaying the start of my period long enough for a fertilized something to stick and stay stuck for nine months or so.  To that end, 24 hours after insem, I started applying progesterone cream. This one>>>

I still have a bottle of the Progestelle oil that I used the last time around, but the more I read reviews on that, the more I am convinced that I was completely swindled on that stuff.  If it actually contained any progesterone at all, my next cycle would have at least been a day or two late...Anyway, people TTC and trying to do as much on their own as possible recommend this cream, and it's from a brand I trust already, so I'm not worried about it being shady or misrepresented.  I'm applying about 80mg per day (40mg, twice a day). Hoping it helps bulk up my lining and delay my period long enough for implantation to happen.



Fingers crossed, right? Anyway, I'm now at 5DPO (five days into my two-week wait). I'm good for now, but I know I'll be fighting the urge to test in the few days before my period would normally be expected about 6 days from now. I will fight the urge really hard. But I make no promises. Stay tuned...

Not Surprising, But Also Not Quite As Anticipated Either...

Here's the thing....I was about to post about my latest attempt at getting knocked up when I noticed this entry.  But the only thing about it that was saved was the title.  So I'm not really sure what I was gonna say except that I did not get pregnant....but for some reason things unfolded in a way I had not previously anticipated (hence the title).

But, um...yeah, I got nothin'.  Jump to the next episode...

Stay tuned....