*sigh...

Previously on Selfmade Motherhood Blog....Our hero freaked out about some weird OPK results, but eventually settled down and did another home IUI.  The two-week wait was so weird this time around!  I decided to apply OTC progesterone cream a few times a day (totaling about 360mg), in an effort to support my LP and give any fertilized thing in there a chance to stick around.  I was legit nauseous from 3dpo onward.  It happened first at work.  I'd eaten breakfast (oatmeal, as usual) with my work baby, but then I got all....weird.  Like my stomach was unsettled.  I wasn't sure what it was, but I figured it would pass.  But it didn't.  It was starting to get a little work, in fact.  I finally identified it as nausea and ate a small piece of candied ginger (because I keep a stash of random teas and candied ginger at work), and felt better almost immediately.  This happened almost every time I ate anything for the next 8 or 9 days.  So, that was new.  On top of that, 8dpo rolled around, and my boobs weren't sore and pms-ish like they usually are.  Then came 9dpo. Still no sore boobs.  I decided to test.  I mean, I was getting nauseous and dizzy AND my boobs didn't hurt in the slightest????  Could this be it?????  Nope.  Not according to my 9dpo pregnancy test anyway.  I tested again at 11dpo, and 13dpo.  Both negative, but I didn't want to give up hope.  After all, my cycle pretty much never gets past 11dpo, not even using the progesterone cream during my "shutdown".  But then on 13dpo, I started cramping in the evening.  Then I spotted something brown around 9:30pm.  I knew this could spell the beginning of the end, but it still wasn't full-on bleeding, and I didn't spot anymore that night.

By the next morning, however, I definitely was doing more than spotting.  The cramps came after that.  Not horrible and debilitating as per my usual though.  I strapped on a heating pad and went about my business.  I didn't medicate until I got home from work later that evening.

So, no pregnancy, but I swear this is the strangest and most pregnant I've ever felt (based on my previous ttc experiences of wondering if all of my pms symptoms might actually be early pregnancy symptoms - SPOILER ALERT: They weren't. Not once. Not ever so far. - and the lack of all of my usual pms symptoms made me really think/feel like this might be it) .  The "symptoms" were just all so completely out of the ordinary for me.  I really didn't know what to make of it all.  Except no impending baby.  So, yeah....pretty bummed out.

My brand new shiny (Bronze level - read: crappy, not that great) health insurance had just kicked in though, and I decided to make an appointment with the closest RE's (reproductive endocrinologist) office that accepted my insurance.  I booked an appointment for Wednesday, February 17th.  At this point, I have no idea what anything was going to cost or what would or would not be covered by my insurance.  And I realize I haven't been going hard on the ttc front every single month for the past five years (six if you count when I started charting to figure all my lady business out).  So, it's been five years since my first sperm bank purchase and home insem ttc experience, but I've also only made actual ttc attempts for eight out of maybe 65 or more cycles.  So, my journey hasn't been as intense emotionally and physically as a lot of other people's, but....You know what?  I'm gonna make this into a new post.  This was my "Hi, Still Not Pregnant!" post and I'm going to give that post the space it needs and deserves.  I will move on to the next conversation on the next post and we can discuss what all is going on with my lady business.

Stay tuned...

Home Insemination: For When Your Life Just Isn't Insane Enough Already...

Last time on Selfmade Motherhood Blog....The Tardis arrived (WHAT THE FUCK???).  That was "fun".  Shortly thereafter, it was time for me to start peeing on things (OPK's).  I did my usual, starting on CD9, expecting to get a + some time on CD12 for a CD13 ovulation.  I usually pee in a cup & dip in a midstream OPK & a Clearblue Digital (aka CBD), or balance peeing on them both at the same time when I'm not at home.  The idea is to give the digital test a baseline reading so that it will be able to more accurately detect my LH surge, and to be able to see right away any changes in test line intensity on the midstream test.  That was going fine until....I was testing during the work day on CD11.  Hadn't gotten a positive digital all day and the midstreams were only showing a faint test line.  My last test of the day was at 2:40pm.  I was going to test again around 5:30pm, but I skipped it and decided I'd test at 11pm, before going to bed.  Then I fell asleep watching tv in the living room and woke up at almost 5:30am.  Freaking out because I always test so much so that I can pinpoint the LH surge and more accurately time my insem (I try to get as close to 30 hours after the first OPK+ digital as possible), I ran and peed in a cup and dipped the digital and midstream tests.  Midstream was an unequivocal positive with two dark lines. Digital pulled up a smiley face.  That's when I went into an even more high frequency freak out mode. If my last OPK at 2:40pm was resounding negatives, and my latest test at 5:30am was hyper positive, how could I gauge when my actual surge happened?  Urrrgggghhhhh!!!!

Note: Stepped away from updating....for about two months.  Aaaaanyways....as I was saying: I pulled up super positive OPK's at 5:30am on CD12, but couldn't pinpoint exactly when my LH surge occurred because I'd fallen asleep and ought to have tested about twelve hours earlier.  I decided to go back to bed for another hour or so (this time in my bed) before getting ready for work and test again in a few hours with not-first-morning urine (I thought the fact that I'd had what equated to a sleep cycle and then OPK'd may have given me a false positive).  I OPK'd again at 8:30am.  This time with conflicting results: Two dark lines (positive) and NO smiley face on the digital.  WTF???  If my freak-out-fest wasn't already in high gear....Weeeeeeeeee!  I went to work and continued to test throughout the day. Finally, at the end of the day getting positive after positive midstream test paired with negative after negative digital tests, I pulled up a midstream test with a test line that looked like it might be starting to fade.  I decided to go ahead and do the insem right then.

I broke out the Tardis and started the thawing process.  I'd bought a mini microscope that connects to a cell phone camera to give up to 200x magnification.  I thought it would be perfect for getting a closer look at my thawed swimmers and easier capturing a photo or video of it than pressing the lens of the phone up against the little 60x magnification ferning microscope (while also keeping the light button on the scope pressed so everything is visible).  This damn cell phone scope wasn't worth a damn thing!  I could get the damn thing to focus on everything BUT my sperm sample....*grumble-grumble*.  I ended up doing the same old same old with the ferning microscope and my cell phone camera.  I could still see everyone swimming, but I was disappointed that I'd spent the money tryna be fancy.  Moving on!  I went for the proper IUI again.  I was worried that I might get some spillage of the sample out of the cervix, but the new set of syringes with "professional IUI catheters" did the trick!  The uppermost part of the uterus is about 4cm in past the opening of the cervix.  These catheters actually have a little stopper around 4cm down the length which helps accomplish two things: 1. You know that you've inserted the catheter far enough, but not too far. 2.  There's no spillage because the stopper plugs the os (cervical opening).  I was still a little concerned that there might be some spillage after I removed the catheter though, so I very lightly, gently squeezed my cervix shut with a long pair of smooth-tipped sponge forceps as I removed the catheter (it sounds awful, but I swear it didn't hurt at all.  In fact, I could barely feel it & kept checking in the mirror to make sure I was still holding it in the right position).  I stayed in that position for about 5 minutes or so, then inserted an Instead cup lined with a little PreSeed (just in case of spillage...I know. I'm paranoid.), and lay down with my knees to my chest while watching some Netflix for a bit before going to bed.  The insem was complete by 12:29am (just after midnight on CD13).  I got up and went about my day as usual, removing the Instead cup around 9:30am.  Then all I had to do was wait!

More to come in the next installment.  Stay tuned!