*sigh...

Previously on Selfmade Motherhood Blog....Our hero freaked out about some weird OPK results, but eventually settled down and did another home IUI.  The two-week wait was so weird this time around!  I decided to apply OTC progesterone cream a few times a day (totaling about 360mg), in an effort to support my LP and give any fertilized thing in there a chance to stick around.  I was legit nauseous from 3dpo onward.  It happened first at work.  I'd eaten breakfast (oatmeal, as usual) with my work baby, but then I got all....weird.  Like my stomach was unsettled.  I wasn't sure what it was, but I figured it would pass.  But it didn't.  It was starting to get a little work, in fact.  I finally identified it as nausea and ate a small piece of candied ginger (because I keep a stash of random teas and candied ginger at work), and felt better almost immediately.  This happened almost every time I ate anything for the next 8 or 9 days.  So, that was new.  On top of that, 8dpo rolled around, and my boobs weren't sore and pms-ish like they usually are.  Then came 9dpo. Still no sore boobs.  I decided to test.  I mean, I was getting nauseous and dizzy AND my boobs didn't hurt in the slightest????  Could this be it?????  Nope.  Not according to my 9dpo pregnancy test anyway.  I tested again at 11dpo, and 13dpo.  Both negative, but I didn't want to give up hope.  After all, my cycle pretty much never gets past 11dpo, not even using the progesterone cream during my "shutdown".  But then on 13dpo, I started cramping in the evening.  Then I spotted something brown around 9:30pm.  I knew this could spell the beginning of the end, but it still wasn't full-on bleeding, and I didn't spot anymore that night.

By the next morning, however, I definitely was doing more than spotting.  The cramps came after that.  Not horrible and debilitating as per my usual though.  I strapped on a heating pad and went about my business.  I didn't medicate until I got home from work later that evening.

So, no pregnancy, but I swear this is the strangest and most pregnant I've ever felt (based on my previous ttc experiences of wondering if all of my pms symptoms might actually be early pregnancy symptoms - SPOILER ALERT: They weren't. Not once. Not ever so far. - and the lack of all of my usual pms symptoms made me really think/feel like this might be it) .  The "symptoms" were just all so completely out of the ordinary for me.  I really didn't know what to make of it all.  Except no impending baby.  So, yeah....pretty bummed out.

My brand new shiny (Bronze level - read: crappy, not that great) health insurance had just kicked in though, and I decided to make an appointment with the closest RE's (reproductive endocrinologist) office that accepted my insurance.  I booked an appointment for Wednesday, February 17th.  At this point, I have no idea what anything was going to cost or what would or would not be covered by my insurance.  And I realize I haven't been going hard on the ttc front every single month for the past five years (six if you count when I started charting to figure all my lady business out).  So, it's been five years since my first sperm bank purchase and home insem ttc experience, but I've also only made actual ttc attempts for eight out of maybe 65 or more cycles.  So, my journey hasn't been as intense emotionally and physically as a lot of other people's, but....You know what?  I'm gonna make this into a new post.  This was my "Hi, Still Not Pregnant!" post and I'm going to give that post the space it needs and deserves.  I will move on to the next conversation on the next post and we can discuss what all is going on with my lady business.

Stay tuned...