Home Insemination: For When Your Life Just Isn't Insane Enough Already...

Last time on Selfmade Motherhood Blog....The Tardis arrived (WHAT THE FUCK???).  That was "fun".  Shortly thereafter, it was time for me to start peeing on things (OPK's).  I did my usual, starting on CD9, expecting to get a + some time on CD12 for a CD13 ovulation.  I usually pee in a cup & dip in a midstream OPK & a Clearblue Digital (aka CBD), or balance peeing on them both at the same time when I'm not at home.  The idea is to give the digital test a baseline reading so that it will be able to more accurately detect my LH surge, and to be able to see right away any changes in test line intensity on the midstream test.  That was going fine until....I was testing during the work day on CD11.  Hadn't gotten a positive digital all day and the midstreams were only showing a faint test line.  My last test of the day was at 2:40pm.  I was going to test again around 5:30pm, but I skipped it and decided I'd test at 11pm, before going to bed.  Then I fell asleep watching tv in the living room and woke up at almost 5:30am.  Freaking out because I always test so much so that I can pinpoint the LH surge and more accurately time my insem (I try to get as close to 30 hours after the first OPK+ digital as possible), I ran and peed in a cup and dipped the digital and midstream tests.  Midstream was an unequivocal positive with two dark lines. Digital pulled up a smiley face.  That's when I went into an even more high frequency freak out mode. If my last OPK at 2:40pm was resounding negatives, and my latest test at 5:30am was hyper positive, how could I gauge when my actual surge happened?  Urrrgggghhhhh!!!!

Note: Stepped away from updating....for about two months.  Aaaaanyways....as I was saying: I pulled up super positive OPK's at 5:30am on CD12, but couldn't pinpoint exactly when my LH surge occurred because I'd fallen asleep and ought to have tested about twelve hours earlier.  I decided to go back to bed for another hour or so (this time in my bed) before getting ready for work and test again in a few hours with not-first-morning urine (I thought the fact that I'd had what equated to a sleep cycle and then OPK'd may have given me a false positive).  I OPK'd again at 8:30am.  This time with conflicting results: Two dark lines (positive) and NO smiley face on the digital.  WTF???  If my freak-out-fest wasn't already in high gear....Weeeeeeeeee!  I went to work and continued to test throughout the day. Finally, at the end of the day getting positive after positive midstream test paired with negative after negative digital tests, I pulled up a midstream test with a test line that looked like it might be starting to fade.  I decided to go ahead and do the insem right then.

I broke out the Tardis and started the thawing process.  I'd bought a mini microscope that connects to a cell phone camera to give up to 200x magnification.  I thought it would be perfect for getting a closer look at my thawed swimmers and easier capturing a photo or video of it than pressing the lens of the phone up against the little 60x magnification ferning microscope (while also keeping the light button on the scope pressed so everything is visible).  This damn cell phone scope wasn't worth a damn thing!  I could get the damn thing to focus on everything BUT my sperm sample....*grumble-grumble*.  I ended up doing the same old same old with the ferning microscope and my cell phone camera.  I could still see everyone swimming, but I was disappointed that I'd spent the money tryna be fancy.  Moving on!  I went for the proper IUI again.  I was worried that I might get some spillage of the sample out of the cervix, but the new set of syringes with "professional IUI catheters" did the trick!  The uppermost part of the uterus is about 4cm in past the opening of the cervix.  These catheters actually have a little stopper around 4cm down the length which helps accomplish two things: 1. You know that you've inserted the catheter far enough, but not too far. 2.  There's no spillage because the stopper plugs the os (cervical opening).  I was still a little concerned that there might be some spillage after I removed the catheter though, so I very lightly, gently squeezed my cervix shut with a long pair of smooth-tipped sponge forceps as I removed the catheter (it sounds awful, but I swear it didn't hurt at all.  In fact, I could barely feel it & kept checking in the mirror to make sure I was still holding it in the right position).  I stayed in that position for about 5 minutes or so, then inserted an Instead cup lined with a little PreSeed (just in case of spillage...I know. I'm paranoid.), and lay down with my knees to my chest while watching some Netflix for a bit before going to bed.  The insem was complete by 12:29am (just after midnight on CD13).  I got up and went about my day as usual, removing the Instead cup around 9:30am.  Then all I had to do was wait!

More to come in the next installment.  Stay tuned!

Duck & Cover...

Hi Hi. So, some of you know that i was originally planning to start TTC in June. Then, due to circumstances beyond my control at my sperm bank (my top choice donor's stuff was in quarantine until August), I decided to pump the brakes and wait until August to start. THEN, more recently, due to some other circumstances at the sperm bank over which I once again had zero amount of control (my top choice donor - whom I often refer to as Bachelor No. 1 - is officially off the catalogue. this means that I can still have the three vials that I pre-purchased when he comes out of quarantine in August, but I can't have any more. Everything they have left in deep freeze from him is reserved for families that have already conceived a baby with Bachelor No. 1 so that they can have siblings if they want), I had to pre-purchase some Bachelor No. 2 for back-up, in case my first round of ICI with Bachelor No. 1 didn't stick. THEN, even more recently, due to some completely other circumstances in which I did have some degree of control, I had to un-pump the brakes and bang a U-turn to start TTC in June again. (If you really want to know the details of all these circumstances, message me or leave a comment and I'll put it all in its own post) Of course, my top choice donor Bachelor No. 1 is still in quarantine until August. This means that, even though I have technically pre-purchased three vials of Bachelor No. 1 and can fully have those three when August comes around, I can't wait around for Bachelor No. 1 until August; so I had to make my peace with that and go full steam ahead with Bachelor No. 2. And I really, really had to let go of Bachelor No. 1 because it just didn't make sense for me to hang on to those three vials and spend another $1500 on three of Bachelor No. 2. I traded my No. 1's for three vials of Bachelor No. 2 instead. And this is where today's story begins...

!!!!OVERSHARE ALERT!!!!

(if you don't want all the details about how babies are made the almost-but-not-quite-old-fashioned-way, then don't read this. this isn't for you...)

Aunt Flo came over Memorial Day weekend while I was visiting family in Boston. I called and left a message at The Bank that I started my period and I wanted to schedule shipment for some of my vials to go ahead with my first ICI. After the holiday weekend passed, I called again instead of waiting for someone to get back to me. I was forecasting ovulation for CD13 (My uterus is like Swiss precision. I almost always ovulate on the 13th day of my cycle - very occasionally on CD12), so of course I wanted to receive my vials on CD11 to give myself some wiggle room just in case i did pop on CD12. Unfortunately, CD11 fell on a Tuesday, and The Bank only ships 2nd Day Air with FedEx Monday through Thursday (unless you pay extra for overnight service and/or Saturday delivery). Ballin' on a budget like I am, I didn't want to pay the extra for overnight service on Monday to receive it by Tuesday. So, I decided to do the standard 2nd Day Air with delivery on Wednesday (CD12). My plan was to do three ICI's based around an ovulation day on CD13: 1st ICI on CD12 evening (most likely when I got home from work); 2nd ICI on CD13 early morning before going in to work; 3rd ICI on CD13 evening after work. I'm never home during the day (who is? I gotta work to afford all this baby making!), so I arranged to have my cryotank of vials held at the FedEx location across the street from where I work. That way, I'd leave work, pick it up, and take a taxi home to do the ICI. I figured no time would really be lost on that plan if I received the tank on CD12 instead of CD11.

Of course, I generally start doing mid-stream OPK's (pee-on-a-stick ovulation predictor kits) on CD11. Usually, it's not positive, but I do an OPK twice per day, and from the morning one to the night one, I can usually see if the T-line is getting any darker which would indicate that ovulation is coming, but not here this minute. So why was my CD11 OPK negative but with a darker T-line than usual, and my nighttime OPK positive with an equal C-line and T-line?!! You know I freaked out a bit to myself, right? No tears. I held it together, but I was mad nervous that I'd fucked it all up my being cheap and not overnighting the tank to receive it on CD11. At this point though, there was nothing to be done about it. The cryotank was already shipped out on CD10, so I would just have to wait until after work on CD12 to see what was really gonna go down anyway. Naturally, my BBT when I woke up on CD12 was a BIG dip in temp, which for me generally indicated ovulation (the next day is usually a high temp spike letting me know that i did in fact ovulate the day before). I took a deep breath, got out of bed, and started my day as usual. I did an OPK at 10am and it was super positive (very dark T-line). Still, I'm at work and there's nothing to do but wait it out and stick to the plan.

Left work more on-timely than I have in the last year. Rushed over to FedEx and flashed my ID. Got my box full of cryotank, and hailed a taxi to Brooklyn. Got home, opened the box, read through the instructions, looked over Bachelor No. 2's sperm stats and STI/genetic test results...then I did the dishes and put in a load of laundry. Then I ordered some Thai food because after I did the deed, I was gonna have to stay in bed, so getting up to cook was out of the question. Then I took a shower, and put together my clothes, filled my water bottle from the Brita pitcher in the fridge, and sorted out my vitamins and put them in my bag.

Okay, I know it's all suspenseful and whatnot, so I'm gonna stop here and continue with the actual insemination in another post...

...Stay tuned!

Oh Hey! I Didn't See You There...

...yeah, so i totally ripped off that title from Jenny Owen Youngs' blog which has nothing to do with what this blog has to do with. So, for those of you out there who have somehow stumbled upon this blog, WELCOME! It seems a little less pointless knowing that I'm not sitting here typing out my life into a visitor-less vacuum. So, thanks for stopping in. For the curious/uninitiated, I'll give you the low-down on just exactly what this blog is all about.

My name is *s, and I'm trying to get myself knocked up. I am (or hopefully soon will be) what is known as a single mother by choice. That's the fancy-schmancy, politically correct term for a woman who chooses to be a mother and chooses to do it (or at least start out at it) as a single gal. Now, there are lots of reasons why lots of women (and I'm assuming men as well - single parents by choice) choose to go it alone when it comes time for parenthood. Some come to single parenthood via divorce, failed relationships, one-night stands, or other such culturally emotional phenomena that has them saying to themselves, "Okay, I'm knocked up. I'm fine with that. But I am SOOOOOOOO not spending the rest of my life tethered to that guy! What the hell was I thinking?!?!" Some single parents are gay and single, so even if they were in a relationship, it wouldn't be one that could yield children the old fashioned way. Still others, like me, are just single. Period. Sexual orientation aside, as far as relationships go, I have been described as "Breaker of hearts, Destroyer of worlds". I've never been so in love with someone that I couldn't possibly imagine my life without that person. As a matter of fact, once I start wondering if I love someone enough that I couldn't possibly imagine my life without that person, it turns so quickly from wondering to visualizing to me giving the It's-Not-You-It's-Me speech, it's all really quite dizzying. I have very little patience for grown-ass people who can't seem to get their shit together, or at least admit that they don't have their shit together and plan to work on that. On the other hand, I have near infinite patience for babies, toddlers, and children who very frequently are a hot stinking mess (both literally and figuratively). Babies are something I couldn't possibly imagine my life without.

And yet, here I am. 35 years old. Gainfully employed. Not completely with my shit completely together, but completely working on that every single day. And no babies. I needs me some babies. Being the forward thinking, pragmatic sort of girl that I am, I made up my mind to start researching how I could possibly have a baby without having a relationship on the evening of my 34th birthday. And God bless the internet! Apparently, people do this all the time! There are whole reproductive centers (sperm banks) that exist to cater to this very demographic. I'm that demographic! That was back in April 2010. By summer of 2010, I'd already zeroed in on which sperm bank I wanted to work with, and which donor from their catalogue I wanted to make my babies with. I started a new savings fund called the PFC Fund (Potential Future Child(ren)), also often referred to as the Baby Fund, specifically for the purpose of funding the making of my PFC's. People do it all the time, but not super broke people...because donor sperm is not cheap.

So again, WELCOME! Feel free to leave a comment or question or whatever. Thanks for stopping by. Stay tuned...