The Results Are In!

You're not gonna believe this: Someone actually read my blog AND commented on it.  (I know! Like, whaaaat???)  Anyhow, after reading the last entry, she said she was praying for me to get a BFP (how sweet is that? I mean, really??), and I didn't want to keep her in suspense with my natural inclination towards procrastination, so I decided to hurry up and finish this entry to alleviate any tension she may be feeling.

No, I'm not pregnant (but thanks for the prayers and well wishes).  I'm hoping when that happens I'll be able to come up with a more clever title for the blog post.

Now that that's out of the way, let's sort through what's what.  I didn't mention this in the last post because I'd looked (briefly) into the possibility of switching donors, but didn't find anyone I liked as much as this one; so I was already set on forging ahead with the insem.  But since I'm not currently pregnant, I'll give you the skinny.  When my spermcicles arrived for my last insem, as usual, I opened the box to confirm the correct vial/donor number.  I had also requested (again) the vial with the highest recorded post-thaw motility, so I looked over the vial stats insert to see what I was working with.  That's when I noticed something I hadn't noticed before.  Actually, I had noticed it before.  When I saw the short profile.  But it was downplayed in the profile as "Analysis shows an apparently balanced pericentric inversion of one chromosome 9. This inversion 9 is considered a normal chromosome variant, and has not been associated with any phenotypic abnormality."   So I didn't think anything more of it because it was (according to the very report I was reading) "normal".  Anyway, I re-noticed it when I opened the packet this last time.  The entire thing I noticed was: "46,XY, inv(9)(p12q13) – Variant male karyotype."

And for whatever reason (possibly because I've been at this for a hot minute with the same donor and am still (as you'll remember from the first sentence of this post) not pregnant), it struck me as odd this time around.  So I googled it.  Do you know what you get when you google "ttc 46, XY, inv(9)(p12q13)"?  Nothing good.  Apparently....this particular "normal chromosome variant" can be responsible for spontaneous early abortion/failed implantation due to chromosomal abnormality of the embryo.  Quick question: WHY IN ALL OF THE UNHOLY FUCK WOULD A GODDAM SPERM BANK EVEN OFFER A SPERM SELECTION THAT COULD CAUSE SPONTANEOUS FUCKING EARLY ABORTION?????  You know what else there is?  In one study, increased instance of children with dysmorphic features.  Sounds great! What else?  Probably a bunch, but suffice it to say I was upset enough from there.  So, naturally, I was freaking out a bit.  I mean, I had this box-o-sperm sitting in my closet waiting for me to ovulate and had already lost $1000+ in my previous "dead sperm" insem cycle.  I didn't want to call off this cycle.  But at the same time, I worried that using this donor at all would be throwing away money if anything that happens is just gonna jettison itself before anything can stick anyway.  On the other hand, it's considered a " normal" variant and occurs in 2-3% of the population.  Men with this variant can and do father perfectly healthy children.  It doesn't necessarily spell doom from beginning to end.  Plus, the sperm is already at my house.  Even if I sent it back, the bank can't trade it out for another donor because it's already left their facility.  It's officially-officially mine, whether I want it now or not.  So, I decided to go for it.

I knew early on in my tww that I wasn't pregnant, so the EPT-'s were not a shock.  I mean, it's always a disappointment, but it wasn't a surprise.  Now that I'm looking ahead to future cycles, I'm debating with myself on whether or not to change donors.  I still have to get my medical release form signed for The Bank (PP New Jersey doesn't do anything but give pregnancy tests and pap smears, so I'm making an appointment with PP NYC to get it signed at the same facility where I had my previous one done last year).  And I'm kinda broke and waiting until my raise comes through at work in July to get back on the horse again.  Looking like hopefully August, maybe as late as September.  It's Memorial Day weekend now, so I have a couple of months hiatus until I go for it again.

In the meantime, I'm gonna look into other possibilities.  I really, REALLY like my current donor (despite his shorter stature), but given the facts at hand, I think I'd be remiss (and blame myself later) if I didn't look into other donor options.  To that end, I'm going to get a 3-month subscription at the Bank and look over all of the Black/Bi-/Multi-racial/More-or-less Brown donors that they have (and keep checking back every month until it's close to go time).  I'm still focused on Open ID donors, but may look into an anonymous donor if I see one that's somehow leaps and bounds better than the one I already have.  I also have a ttc friend on the west coast who recently met a donor from the Known Donor Registry, which is essentially a meeting hub for women/families that want to conceive with a donor that they've actually met and potential donors who are interested in helping create families while being open to meeting the families/potential future children in person.  His sperm report is off-the-charts good and she felt a really good connection with him when they met in person, so they've decided to draw up a loose agreement and go forward with her next cycle.  The plan, as far as I understand, is for her to do intravaginal home insems with his sperm a few times during her fertile phase, and also have a midwife come over once to do an insem.  With the midwife involved, he will be considered a donor only and not the father under the law.  I think it's amazing and I'm super excited for her (fresh is best after all!), but it's kind of like online dating to me.  I just don't think I have the disposition to make something like that work.  I'm naturally suspicious of other people already.  Trying to find a known donor from that registry would probably set off all of my social anxiety bells and whistles.  If I were wired to to connect that easily with other people, I probably wouldn't be so focused on making science babies instead of doing this all with a partner.  *sigh....

I also finally got my hands on my actual medical records from the RE's office, so I can see exactly what my numbers are as opposed to going off the vague non-explanation of the RE nurse.  I'm a little concerned about my cd3 FSH (10), but then all my other stats are normal and healthy for someone in the 27-33 and 33-37 year old ranges.  So not hopeless.  And no tubal impediments.  I'm convinced that I'd have been knocked up ages ago if I'd been doing it with fresh sperm.  It's just stronger and lives for freaking ever!  BUT, one of my other ttc friends (and my personal hero) is another single Black woman that I met online while she was ttc for her second child (she'd already had a little girl using spermcicles a couple years before).  She is currently pregnant with her third child.  All three conceived at home with IVI using frozen donor sperm.  I've gotten the details of her particular method from her, and I think I may try it her way on my next go round.  I won't go into specifics here and now, but if/when I try it, I'll give you the lowdown at that time.

Back to the medical records/test results though...On that note, I'm considering other supplements and whatnot that I may try out for the next round.  I'm currently taking 800mg of CoQ10, but I may switch to a 200mg dose of Ubiquinol instead.  It's more concentrated and more easily absorbed than CoQ10 in women over 35.  Another online ttc friend (also another single Black woman) is drinking wheatgrass juice every other day to help lower her FSH and boost egg health.  I might try that, too.  One way or the other, it's healthy for you and can't do any harm, so why not?  On the other hand, high FSH is just an indicator of how well you might respond to stimulation meds; and since I'm not planning to take any Follistim or Clomid-like anything, I'm not sure if it matters for me.  High FSH numbers on cd3 indicate that your body is working a little harder to make you ovulate, so I'm not sure what lowering FSH would actually do for me doing non-stimulated cycles.  Of course, FSH also fluctuates from cycle to cycle, so maybe if I tested this cycle it may have been lower.  Who knows?  BUT, because of my high FSH, I'm concerned about egg quality and production (even though there's no test for egg quality besides taking a dna sample from an extracted egg), I'm contemplating trying to supplement with DHEA for a few months (3-4 max).  In IVF patients on a DHEA regimen, the egg quality is better and also the number of follicles/eggs is higher. The side effects can be extreme though (heart palpitations in rare cases and hair loss), but you never know how you react to something yourself until you try it, as every woman is different.  That's also why I'd only try it out for a few months though.  I figure to start it during my two cycles off to get it built up in my system and make a real difference for new eggs coming down the line, then up to ovulation or bfp/bfn for the next two ttc cycles in August/September.  The recommended dose is 75mg daily divided into three doses, but I'm not sure if I'd start out that high and decrease based on side effects, or start off at a lower dose and increase if there are no side effects.  That one, for me, is still very much in the research phase though, so it will be a little time before I've made a decision on that.

I think that's about it for now.  Re-cap:  Still not pregnant.  Still not completely hopeless.  Still single and focused on making some science babies.  Still contemplating changing donors.  Still contemplating various vitamins/supplements to go with for the next round...but still not independently wealthy, so sitting out ttc until August or September.

Stay tuned...